“Light As A Feather”

Sulaiman’s thoughts on his 40th Birthday. Curious, compassionate, and courageous. Radical, restful, and regenerative. Always.

5 July 2025.

Following my previous post, "Healing Is Not My Purpose,” the first support act (me) of #KhanFest2025 is now live.

Today is my fortieth birthday! However, today is my fortieth birthday! However, as many of you know, I’m still struggling with ongoing (internal and external) stresses and trauma, as well as the ongoing (human and more-than-human) global polycris I continue to deal with without fear.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in gold, bold black text reads, [Open Quote] “It’s my 40th birthday today!” [End Quote]. On the top right is Sulaiman R. Khan, in both English and Urdu, written in black text. End.

[Open Quote] Joy is an act of resistance.” [End Quote]

– Toi Derricotte, From “The Telly Cycle” (Poem)

Today is not the day I wanted. Instead, it’s becoming the day that I need. Today is an extra magical day for me, despite everything feeling very heavy today. Today, we are all (I included) suffering, and nothing can be the same in the world. It’s impossible to ignore, and for me to pretend otherwise.

Today, in some respects, is just another day. Yet, today, for me, marks the day I outlived the doctors’ expectations of my life by 35 years; they said I’d be dead by 5 years young. This is just one of the blessed things about my existence.

Today, I continue to push myself out of my comfort zone, constantly transforming through the discomfort. I am becoming who I needed as a youngster and will be my hero, no matter what anyone thinks. Being underestimated and facing adversity every day has its advantages. The world is crisper and clearer while allowing me to be more creative, and I never take anything or anyone for granted.

Today, I give praise, gratitude and thanks. Alhamdulillah.

Today. Onwards and Upwards. I honour the life I've lived in the past four decades.

It’s essential to celebrate the blessings and joy of my life. I believe in Access Intimacy, interdependence, and Revolutionary LOVE® in Crip Time¹—always. In these scary times, I recognise that, in isolation, nothing is achieved, and community care is what we need. I also acknowledge that I no longer accept “business as usual” in critical times of ongoing (internal and external) global polycrisis. It’s also okay to have joy (and celebrate our progress) because just two ways the system of oppression destroys our lives are by: 1) forcing us into toxic working cultures, and 2) stealing joy (as well as not allowing us to grieve as we need). However, I understand that there is no joy without grief, and there’s no grief without joy, as well as the fact that I don’t have to put up with toxic working cultures.

So, today, I rest, celebrate, and honour myself.

I can no longer accept letting the oppressors mine my mind. Additionally, I’m learning that only “impostor” in impostor syndrome is the systems of oppression, and they can go where the sun doesn’t shine.

Today, I ensure that if anyone can’t accept me in my grief, they don’t get access to me in my joy. And that’s enough for me, because I’m always more than enough.

My birthday outfit today

Radical, restful, and regenerative. Always. I love fashion, too! Before I discovered bright colours, sequins, accessories, and the joy of fashion, it was the “Dark Ages” for me.

Apart from using fashion to explore my sexy, spicy, and sacred existence and energy and to play with my political, cultural, and creative reality as a Global Majority² Disabled AF Oracle through fashion, I utilise fashion as one of my tools for my anti-oppressive praxis.

Additionally, fashion is something I need to explore and play with more through an intersectional, accessible, and anti-oppressive approach, embedding Access Intimacy, interdependence, and Revolutionary LOVE®. I also want to subvert, dismantle, and destroy the gender binary/gender norms, sexuality, culture, Disability, and the social constructs of “race” through exploring and playing with fashion, both wearing and designing, because Disabled AF, super lanky, Global Majority, creative, Queer men like me are vital in fashion as well. Without Disability, there’s no fashion industry.

In short, outfits are not just a way of me living Disabled Joy but also a way of me pushing back against the systems of oppression. My looks are never just looks and style; like me, they’re always energies and vibes.

Ultimately, curious, compassionate, and courageous: Beyond being people’s “Inspiration Porn”³ and beyond Bodyminds (mine and others), I exist outside of borders, barriers, boundaries, and binaries. And thankfully, I’m not trapped by the cis-able neocolonial-racist-supremacist hegemonic-capitalist-heteronormative patriarchy.

I am not here to perpetually work and grind for the systems of oppression. I’m here to exist wholeheartedly in the wisdom and richness of joy, grief, play, pleasure, Disability, Fungi, Whales, trees, Access Intimacy, interdependence, and Revolutionary LOVE® with my inner and outer environments, including my human and more-than-human ecosystems.

We get free together.

That said, are you ready?

Below is my look for today.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in green is a close-up photo of Sulaiman’s low-rise black sequinned shoes via Converse. End.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in green is a close-up photo of Sulaiman’s black and white Keffiyeh scarf, via Hirbawi, which is wrapped around the joystick on his new(ish) power wheelchair. He wears it because, despite it being his 40th birthday today, Sulaiman is committed to justice and collective liberation for all of us, including, but not limited to, our internal and external environments and human and more-than-human ecosystems from his first heartbeat, with every heartbeat until his last heartbeat. Beat. Beat. Sulaiman is also grateful for his infinite curiosity, compassion, and courage. End.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in green is a close-up photo of the four-layered pearl and gemstone necklace Sulaiman is wearing against his green, ruffled lace shirt. The sacred necklace was made by Sulaiman’s late Naniji (Sulaiman’s maternal grandmother) over 39 years ago for his “future wife.” Yet, Sulaiman wears it today on his sacred birthday because he’s too spicy and stylish not to do so, and because Sulaiman understands (and respects) that he is the link from his ancestors to his descendants. The Necklace features four layers of rows of pearls set in pure gold with ruby and emerald gemstone accents throughout. Oh-so-lush. End.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in gold, cutout photo of Sulaiman (a wholeheartedly spicy Global Majority Disabled AF Oracle with a black buzzcut hair) sitting in his new(ish) power wheelchair and showcasing his whole outfit. Sulaiman is wearing his green, ruffled lace shirt and the four-layered pearl and gemstone necklace. The sacred necklace was made by Sulaiman’s late Naniji (Sulaiman’s maternal grandmother) over 39 years ago for his “future wife,” but Sulaiman wears it today on his sacred birthday because he’s too spicy and stylish not to do so, and because Sulaiman understands (and respects) that he is the link from his ancestors to his descendants. The Necklace features four layers of rows of pearls set in pure gold with ruby and emerald gemstone accents throughout. Sulaiman also wears his black and white Keffiyeh scarf, via Hirbawi, which is wrapped around the joystick on his new(ish) power wheelchair, his pink chino trousers, which appear white in the photos, and his low-rise black sequinned shoes, via Converse. Oh-so-lush. Sulaiman is smiling and joyful with gratitude for every heartbeat and his existence. End.

Image description: On an ink blot wallpaper of mint translucent overlapping jelly hearts is a closeup, cutout of Sulaiman (a wholeheartedly spicy Global Majority Disabled AF Oracle with a black buzzcut hair) sitting in his new(ish) power wheelchair and showcasing his outfit. Sulaiman is wearing his green, ruffled lace shirt and the four-layer rows of pearl and gemstone necklace. The sacred necklace was made by Sulaiman’s late Naniji (Sulaiman’s maternal grandmother) over 39 years ago for his “future wife,” but Sulaiman wears it today on his sacred birthday because he’s too spicy and stylish not to do so, and because Sulaiman understands (and respects) that he is the link from his ancestors to his descendants. The Necklace features four layers of rows of pearls set in pure gold with ruby and emerald gemstone accents throughout. Sulaiman also wears his black and white Keffiyeh scarf, via Hirbawi, which is wrapped around the joystick on his new(ish) power wheelchair, his pink chino trousers, which appear white in the photos, and his low-rise black sequinned shoes, via Converse. There are two illustrative pink punk hearts on either side of Sulaiman. On the bottom right is the Revolutionary LOVE® “RL” mark R Love in pink punk. Heart icon with an R cut-out. Sulaiman is smiling and joyful with gratitude for every heartbeat and his existence. End..

Wow, what an energy, what a vibe!

Four decades, four things

In honour of four decades of my life, below are four things I’m grateful for. In no particular order:

1. Community and care: My ability to design radical, infinite, interdependent ecosystems of curiosity (and care) to exist radically with community care and heartful healing. Family (by blood or bond) and relational kinship are everything.

2. Play and explanation: My insatiable curiosity, compassion, and courage. I aim never to have any regrets in my life, and never be an arsehole; my values and integrity are all I have, even if it cost me income and short term discomfort.

3. Joy and grief: My sexy, spicy, and sacred existence. Fashion and words are just two tools I choose as part of my anti-oppression praxis every day.

4. Rich wisdom and imagination: My ability to radically progress by thinking critically and grow holistically. Rooted in Access Intimacy, interdependence, and Revolutionary LOVE®, Disability Justice and Funga Justice are my North Star.

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in gold, bold black text reads, [Open Quote] “I’m finally fucking forty!” [End Quote]. On the top right is Sulaiman R. Khan, written in black text in both English and Urdu. End.

Radical, restful, and regenerative. Always.

Final thoughts

As typing is fatiguing due to my physical Disability, and I am low on capacity, I will just leave you with these final words.

Thank you for gracing my life with your blessings and Revolutionary LOVE®.

I continue to take one heartbeat at a time. Beat. Beat. Because for many of us, a day (and a breath) at a time is too difficult. Because radical healing demands radical dreaming, and radical dreaming demands radical healing. So, I will be radical in my healing and dreaming.

Here’s to more sexy, spicy, and sacred: bold, wild, and fearless adventures in the next four decades and beyond!

Onwards and Upwards. Xx

Image description: On an Inkblot swirl wallpaper in gold, bold black illustrative sunbeams. In the centre is the S R K mark in bold black. End.

–––

Listening to “Light As A Feather” by Frida Touray

1. Like nature, particularly Fungi, I work, live, lead, exist, play, and love in Crip Time. In short, Crip Time is the bending of time (and time travel) that Disabled people (especially Global Majority Disabled folks like me) are experts in practising. It centres Disabled bodies and minds by and for Disabled people through Access Intimacy for systemic change, interdependence for community care, and Revolutionary LOVE® for collective liberation.

2. People of the Global Majority: coined by Rosemary M. Campbell-Stephens, MBE, is [Open Quote] “a collective term that first and foremost speaks to and encourages those so-called, to think of themselves as belonging to the majority on planet earth. It refers to people who are Black, African, Asian, Brown, dual-heritage, indigenous to the global south, and or, have been racialised as 'ethnic minorities'. Globally, these groups currently represent approximately eighty per cent (80%) of the world's population, making them the global majority now, and with current growth rates, notwithstanding the COVID-19 pandemic, they are set to remain so for the foreseeable future. Understanding that singular truth may shift the dial, it certainly should permanently disrupt and relocate the conversation on race.” [End Quote] (R. Campbell-Stephens, 2020). This term aligns wholeheartedly with my Disabled AF Oracle wisdom, British-Pakistani (non-binary male) existence, and Queer-creative energy. It is my way of wheeling away from all systems of oppression, including but not limited to me no longer being capitalism’s plaything, ableism’s commodity, racism’s tool for power, colonialism’s puppet for violence, white supremacy culture’s fetish for manipulation, cis-able neocolonial-racist-supremacist hegemonic-heteronormative patriarchy’s armour for bullying, and oppression’s pawn for harm.

Stella Young [TED] (2014) I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much | Stella Young.

(Accessed: July 5, 2025).

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